


Swallow My Pride

by hopingforaword



Series: I Believe in Happy Endings [2]
Category: Degrassi
Genre: F/M, Gen, Hockey, Kapuskasing, Reference to an eating disorder, Three plots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopingforaword/pseuds/hopingforaword
Summary: Dallas tries to improve the Ice Hounds culture, but that's not easy overnight. Katie is a mess after the events of Vegas, and she reaches out to an unlikely friend. Maya and Cam spend some time together in Kapuskasing, and have some unexpected conversations.
Relationships: Maya Matlin/Campbell Saunders
Series: I Believe in Happy Endings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864654
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Named after the song by The Ramones

Dallas walked into the Ice Hounds locker room and clapped. His teammates ignored him, throwing The chatter fell silent. “Alright Ice Hounds, we have a big game tomorrow.”

“Where’s Saunders?” Luke interjected.

“Yeah, is he bailing again?” Bo laughed.

“Saunders is going to be out sick for a week or two.”

“We’ve heard that one before,” Owen said, rolling his eyes.

Dallas sighed. “It’s actually none of your business where Saunders is. What is your business is the game tomorrow, and the next two weeks, which we have to win without Saunders. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but regardless of his faults, Saunders is one of our best players, so I need you to get your asses on the ice and practice!” His voice had risen to a shout, and the other players raced out onto the ice. Luke stopped at his side.

“You okay?”

“Get on the ice, Baker.”

Luke clipped his helmet on and stepped out onto the ice. Dallas sighed, disappointed in his own behavior. This wasn’t how a captain should treat his team, and this wasn’t how players should care for each other. Something had to change, and it had to change soon, or someone was going to die.  _ Someone almost did _ , he thought, strapping on his helmet and skating out onto the ice.

Katie regarded herself in the mirror. She’d promised herself she’d never let a guy define anything about her, but here she was with a hairstyle inspired by a guy she hated and a broken heart from a guy she was still hopelessly in love with. Maybe the latter was her fault. It didn’t stop it from hurting. 

Her phone pinged. Marisol: brunch with Fi at Crystelle. You in?

Katie typed her response quickly. Not feeling it. Sorry.

Marisol: still sad about Jake?

Katie didn’t have a response. Marisol didn’t get sad about guys; she just moved on. Other people might say derogatory things about that, but Katie thought it was a superpower. Marisol lived and loved on her terms, which made what she had found with Mo even more impressive.

Marisol: sad Katie is better than no Katie

Katie: I think I’m gonna work out

Marisol: ~french toast~

Marisol: ~it’s calling you~

Katie: Next time, I promise.

Marisol: i’ll hold you to that one, Matlin

Katie put down her phone and looked at herself again. Looking at herself had always been frought. As a kid, she thought she was ugly; as a young teen, her bulimia had made looking at herself impossible. Now, she was happy with how she looked, except her eyes. She looked so sad. Everything had gone wrong and it was her fault, and no one would understand that.

Except someone might. Before she could second guess the idea, Katie picked up her phone and texted Bianca.

Katie: Life has really fallen apart since Vegas. Wanted to apologize and maybe get some advice.

Katie didn’t expect a response. She certainly didn’t deserve one. Almost immediately her phone pinged.

Bianca: I love a good apology, and maybe I can give some advice.

Katie: Brunch? 

Bianca: Sure. Crystelle?

Katie: Just told Marisol I couldn’t go to Crystelle. The Dot?

Bianca: Trouble in paradise? Kidding. The Dot works. Thirty minutes?

Katie: Sounds good.

Katie went to her closet and put on her best “I’m doing okay after the break up” outfit. She looked in the mirror. There was still that same look in her eyes, but her outfit did a good job distracting from it. Katie sighed and went downstairs.

Cam stood outside his room, arms laden with a breakfast tray. Maya was sleeping in there; he and his parents had insisted. He was fine sleeping on the couch, and it would be far less awkward for Mickey and Gina to wake up to Cam on the couch than Maya. Still, it felt a little odd. He’d never knocked on his own bedroom door, and he’d never had a girl sleep in his bed. He wasn’t there, but it was still a weird feeling.

Cam knocked on the door gently. “Maya,” he said, “Are you dressed?”

“I’m still in my PJs,” Maya called back, “But you can come in.”

Cam opened the door and Maya gaped at the breakfast tray he was carrying. Orange juice, pancakes, and fresh fruit. “Good morning, sleepy.” He set the tray over her lap and kissed her forehead.

“Is this all for me?”

“Well, not all of it,” Cam said, “Scoot over!” Maya scooted over on the bed, and Cam squeezed in next to her. Maya smiled and popped a blueberry into her mouth. 

“Thank you,” she kissed him quickly, “But what’s this all for?”

“Oh, just for being the best girlfriend a guy could ask for.” He put an arm around Maya and squeezed her, then picked up a pancake and bit into it playfully. “You came all the way here with me just because you wanted to support me. You took a week off school.”

“You needed me. And I need you.”

“Are you kids up?” Mrs. Saunders called from downstairs. 

“We’re eating pancakes, Mom,” Cam called back.

“In your room?”

Cam rolled his eyes at Maya, and she almost giggled. He felt more relaxed than he could remember feeling in a long time. Being here, with Maya, seeing his new therapist – it was all helping. He could tell he was getting better.

“We’ll be careful.”

“You better! And no funny business.”

Maya blushed bright red, but Cam just said back, “Of course not!”

“How can you be so upfront with your mom about, you know…”

“Sex?”

Maya turned even redder. “Yeah, I mean, when she talked to us on the first night I thought I was going to catch fire.”

“I know, it was really cute,” Cam said, “She just said, ‘No funny business in my house,’ and you looked like she was making you watch an R rated movie as a family.”

“I don’t know, we never really talk about that stuff. I think I’d die.”

Cam shrugged. “We had a talk the first time I was on a travel team, because a lot of guys have sex when they have away games, and then a bigger talk when I went to Degrassi. She thought some of the older guys might be a big influence on me since I’m so much younger.”

“And has that, you know, been an influence?”

“Like, have I had sex?” Maya nodded silently, biting her lip. “No, Maya. That’s not how I operate. I’m not all about random girls. I’m all about you.” He kissed her gently. “You know, you’re only the second girl I’ve kissed.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, the depressed hockey star wasn’t as big a draw as you’d think.” Maya wasn’t sure if she was allowed to laugh, but Cam’s grin was broad. “You can laugh.”

“Maybe it wasn’t funny.”

“Oh yeah?” Cam leaned in. “It wasn’t funny?” Maya shook her head, trying to repress a grin. “Really?” Maya couldn’t stop herself and giggled. Cam smiled. “That’s what I thought. Hurry and eat your pancakes before they get cold.”

All the Ice Hounds were sweating. Dallas and their coach had driven them hard during practice. They practically fell onto the benches in the changing room. “What’s up Dallas’s ass?” Luke said, throwing his skates.

“If we’re skating this hard for the next two weeks, I’m going to die,” said Bo.

“We’re all going to be sore for tomorrow,” added Ingvar. 

“Saunders is one of our best players, so I need you to get your asses on the ice and practice!” Owen stood on a bench imitating Dallas. The other players laughed.

“Very funny,” Dallas said from the doorway, “Milligan, down.” Owen jumped down and Dallas began stripping his equipment off. The other players looked at each other, and Bo nudged Luke.

“So, what’s the deal with Saunders?”

“He’s out for a few weeks.” Dallas pulled on his favorite after-practice sweats, already envisioning the Torres’s downstairs couch and a big bowl of popcorn.

“Why? He too chicken to play the Thunder?”

Dallas turned around. “You want to know why Saunders is out? You all want to know why?” The team nodded. “Saunders tried to kill himself, so he’s back in Kapuskasing working with a doctor to get stable enough to stay on the team. Happy?”

They all sat there silently. Owen finally broke the silence. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Damn.”

“We are supposed to be there for each other, like brothers. He was struggling and none of us noticed. And that’s on me, but it’s also on all of us.” His teammates nodded. “We need to think about how we can all be more friendly to each other.”

“So, what, no more jokes?” Luke said, “His skin’s really that thin?”

“He’s a fifteen year old kid hundreds of kilometers from home. I think we can all be nicer to him, and each other.” He looked around, expecting another protest or some joke about Cam. No one said anything, and Dallas nodded, grabbing his bag. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Go Hounds.”

Katie sat anxiously at one of the curbside tables at The Dot. She’d been waiting for Bianca for five minutes, and was starting to get nervous that she wasn’t coming after all. She wouldn’t blame her. But Katie owed Bianca a proper apology. She’d learned in rehab how much power an apology could have, and how important it was to admit you were wrong. While Katie was lost in thought, Bianca sat down across from her and picked up a menu.

“I’ve been craving eggs benedict the entire walk over here,” she said, “Sorry I was late. Couldn’t find the matching shoe.”

Katie had more questions than she did before, but she swallowed them and nodded. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“Of course. We’ve all had to do Dot apologies before.”

“Really?”

“You say what you want, and then I’ll tell you my Dot apology story.”

Katie took a deep breath. “I treated you like garbage for something that wasn’t your fault. And you tried to be my friend and I pushed you away. I’m sorry.”

Bianca looked at her and nodded. “Okay. I accept.”

“That easily?”

Bianca shook her head and laughed. “Girls have been saying mean things about me since I was thirteen. You’re not exactly new to the party. You’re the first to apologize though. Plus, I know you’re pretty down and out recently.”

Katie nodded. “It’s been hard. I’m losing everything.”

“You’ll get it back.”

“How do you know?”

“You’re determined. I think we have a lot more in common than you think. I mean, other than our taste in Torres brothers.”

Bianca smiled, and Katie couldn’t help but smile back. “So tell me your Dot apology story.”

“Well, I was seeing this guy…”


	2. Chapter 2

Cam and Maya were on a long walk taking in the town. Their fingers were linked, and Cam kept pointing out places he’d loved in middle school. They were passing his middle school when his phone rang. He pulled it out, intending on silencing it, but saw the call was coming from Dallas. He showed it to Maya, then picked it up.

“Hello?”

“Hey Saunders. How are you doing?” Dallas didn’t sound abrasive like he did on the ice, or jocular like he did off the ice when he was mocking Cam. He sounded caring, something that Cam had never heard from his captain. That meant one thing.

“Coach told you?”

“Yeah.” There was a tense silence on the line. “I’m sorry.”

Cam laughed in shock. “What?”

“We’ve all been riding you a little hard. Some of us are jealous of you. I’m jealous of you.”

“That,” Cam stuttered, “that takes a big man to admit. Thanks Dallas.”

“You’re really doing okay?”

“Yeah. My family’s been great, and Maya’s here with me.” 

Dallas laughed. “I’m sure that helps.”

“It’s been nice.”

“So, we’ll see you back on the ice in a week and a half?”

“Yep.”

“Don’t lose that skating, Saunders.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Cam pulled away the phone to hang up.

“Cam?”

He reeled at the use of his first name. “Yeah?” 

“I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks. See you soon.” Cam hung up that time, and looked at Maya. She arched an eyebrow.

“That sounded good?” 

Cam shook his head in disbelief. “He apologized.”

Maya’s eyebrows rose even further, and she chuckled. “Shocking, but maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks. Speaking of, I think we had a middle school to visit?” They linked arms and kept walking.

“The Thunder is big and strong, but we’re fast, and we’ve got to play to that,” Dallas explained to his team, “Keep them from scoring, tire them out, then hit their defense.”

“Their goalie sucks,” Bo agreed, nodding vigorously.

“But I don’t want anyone getting hurt, do you understand?” The team nodded. “I didn’t hear you.”

“Yes Dallas,” they all said in sync.

“Good. If anything isn’t going right, come talk to me. This is important, but it’s also supposed to be fun. So get out there and have a good time, alright?”

Ingvar started the Ice Hounds howl, and they all joined in as they skated out onto the ice. Luke sidled up to Dallas. “Don’t you think you’re taking all this ‘be careful’ stuff a little too far?”

“Get on the ice, Baker.” Luke skated away, and Dallas was left alone with his thoughts for a moment. It was a big change, encouraging all these tough hockey boys to care about each other. Cam had been an alarm, and Dallas wasn’t pressing snooze. He shook his head, leaving his thoughts behind as he skated out onto the ice.

Katie was getting ready to jump in the shower after a long run when her phone dinged. 

Bianca: I had a great time yesterday.

Katie: Me too. Still can’t believe you regifted lingerie

Bianca: Well, I wasn’t gonna wear it, was I?

Katie: For a guy like that? 🤢 [barf emoji]

Bianca: 😂 [crying laughing emoji] exactly

Katie thought for a minute. She might as well ask, there was no harm in asking.

Katie: Do you want to make that a weekly brunch?

Bianca was typing for several long minutes, and Katie regretted asking. Really, what was the point of starting friendships now? She would be leaving in a matter of months, weeks really, and she was perfectly happy with Marisol and Mo.

Bianca: sounds great

Katie: Really?

Bianca: I’ve never had many girl friends. I think I’d like to.

Katie: You said something like that when we went out, didn’t you?

Bianca: probably

Katie: I’m still sorry.

Bianca: you’ll just have to make up for it with brunch. See you next week?

Katie: Count on it.

With a smile, Katie hopped into the shower.

“Great game, everybody.”

Luke groaned and threw his towel at Dallas. “No, it wasn’t.”

“C’mon, everybody was in top form,” Dallas said, unlacing his skates. “What’s the problem?”

“Are you stupid?” Owen asked, “Are you actually an idiot?”

“We lost,” Luke said.

“It was just one game, and we showed everyone how good we can be.”

Luke walked over to Dallas. “I don’t know about you, captain, but I’m trying to get scouted by an American school and drafted after college.”

Dallas stood up and leaned over Luke. He wasn’t much taller, but he was broader and obviously stronger. “I think you need to back the fuck up, Baker.”

“So going soft  _ was _ all an act, right?”

Dallas looked around the room. Everyone was watching. He sighed, and collapsed back onto the bench. “Is this really how you guys want to be? All tense and angry? Constantly in trouble at school, making each other feel bad on the ice?” A few guys shook their heads. Owen and Luke didn’t look convinced. “I know I don’t want this. I think we can be better. But we all have to work toward it. Together.”

Bo and Ingvar stacked their hands, and Dallas joined them. The whole team circled up. “Three, two, one, ICE HOUNDS!” Dallas yelled. The other players started whooping and howling, and Dallas left the locker room with a smile. He whipped out his phone.

Dallas: I’m in Toronto

Vanessa: you’ve been in Toronto for weeks

Dallas: I want to see you

Vanessa: what changed?

Dallas: come see me and you can find out.

She didn’t respond, and Dallas thought that would be the end of it. He plugged in earbuds and started playing his post-game playlist. His phone buzzed again.

Vanessa: fine. when and where?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A beloved character returns, mental health is much more complicated that anyone thinks, and family secrets come in. Tune in soon for "Who Says You Can't Go Home."


End file.
